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How could I give one child a loving home, and a chance to experience life, yet take it away from another?...

Abortion Story: Colorado

Submitted to Abort73 by a 26-year-old woman on September 12, 2014.

My husband and I always knew we wanted children. We had been married for over a year when we decided the time was right to start a family. We were overjoyed when we found out I was pregnant. We cried and hugged and eagerly made the phone calls to family and friends. I began thinking of names and nursery themes. I looked forward to every doctor appointment, anxious to see another ultrasound and to hear that pitter patter heartbeat. I had a healthy pregnancy and truly enjoyed it. Our son was born on a beautiful day. He was immediately welcomed by eager grandparents, aunts, uncles, and of course, Mommy and Daddy! We doted on him, and I relished my new role. Reading about development and milestones. Happily offering my breast at every hungry whimper. Our little family couldn't have been happier. When our son was 5 months old, I began feeling sick and was unusually tired. My mother mentioned in passing, almost jokingly, "Maybe you're pregnant!" I laughed as if I'd never heard something so ridiculous. A few days passed, and I still wasn't feeling well. I went in to see my doctor and politely agreed to take the unnecessary pregnancy test. I was floored. I was approximately 8 weeks along. I was in shock. How could this have happened? It wasn't planned. I like things to be planned. Later that night, after laying our son down, my husband and I discussed our "problem.” We couldn't afford another baby right now. Could my body support another pregnancy so soon after giving birth? This child's due date was just one month after our son's first birthday! We couldn't possibly manage having two children in diapers. We struggled with our options for a few days. Adoption? How horrible! How could I carry a child for nine months then simply give it away? I'm not heartless! We decided having an abortion was the only solution. I cried for days after the procedure but convinced myself we had made the right choice. My son is now 4-years-old. My husband and I divorced a year after our abortion. When I think back to that time, I am filled with shame, disgust and regret. I ended a beautiful life because it did not fit into my plans. I saw my CHILD as an inconvenience. A burden. What I wouldn't give to hold him or her in my arms. To tell them they are loved and wanted and safe. I wish I could have heard their laughter, wiped their tears. I wish I could have known him or her. How could I give one child a loving home, and a chance to experience life, yet take it away from another? Who am I to make that choice? That was not my life to end, and I am truly sorry. My only comfort now, and that comfort is undeserved, is knowing that my sweet child is with our Lord. And someday he will judge me.

Age: 26
Location: Colorado
Date: September 12, 2014

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