Abort73.com > Feedback > Abortion Stories > January 9, 2014

#abortionstories @abort73

...

Abortion Story: Virginia

Submitted to Abort73 by a 22-year-old woman on January 9, 2014.

Having spent all my life in and out the hospital, I never thought it was possible for me to get pregnant. But after having a surprise missed period, I took a test and it was positive. I was in total shock and thought to myself that I wouldn't be able to keep my baby. I was fresh out of college with my masters but had fallen on hard times—having to move out my condo by the following week and not knowing where I would end up. So I called the man who was the father of my child and told him. He was in shock as well and didn’t say much. So I asked him if he wanted another child. He already has 2 and isn’t allowed to see one. He said, “To be honest, I wasn't ready for the first one, and right now, I cannot take care of another child.” Being that he is 10 years older then me, he said I was too young to have a baby right now. So we agreed on abortion, but as the night went on, I begin to think about my baby and I wondered what it would become. After two days, I was having mixed feelings about wanting to keep my baby. I told the father, and he basically told me the same thing. He could not take care of another child, and I should enjoy being young. I wanted to cry, but instead I just said, “OK.”

The next week, I left the state to go and stay with family. Right before I left, I had unexpected car problems—which took all my money and a bit of my savings. I got a call from the father, who was kind of upset that I didn't tell him about leaving. I told him about the car problems and that I wouldn't be able to pay for the abortion. He said that he would get the money for it. The next day he sent me the money.

By this time I was just scared. I set up the first appointment for the abortion. I really didn't want to kill my baby, but at the same time I didn't want my child to suffer. I grew up without a father, and I didn't want a child of mine to go through such pain.  The night before the appointment, I cried all night long, cried myself to sleep. The next morning, I drove to the clinic. I almost cried in the parking lot. A couple walked up to me and asked if I was OK. Then they asked if they could pray for me. I said, “Yes.” I couldn't build up enough strength to go inside the clinic, so the couple told me where I could go to get free help—such as an ultrasound and consulting. I went to that place instead. The women there were very helpful. They first talked with me and asked what my plans were. I told them everything and how the father didn't want it. They did the ultrasound. I really didn't know how to feel seeing my baby. I thought, “Wow there is really a baby in there.” They also walked me through the process of getting a abortion done. After I left, I felt a little better about the whole thing. But I still had to make a decision. I talked with my best friend and grandma. They both asked what I was going to do. The only thing I thought of was that I didn’t want to bring my baby here to suffer, and I thought I couldn't be a mother. I kept thinking about everything I went through in life early on. I couldn't imagine having my baby go through the same.

It’s been 6 weeks since I had the abortion. I was 10 weeks, and my life has been hell ever since. I regretted the abortion before I got it done. I was awake through the procedure and cried while they did it and a little after.

I have been depressed—feeling guilt and regret. Every day, I think about my baby—wishing I could bring it back, knowing I can't. I've even been having dreams of my baby. In some of them, I'm holding my baby, and in some I'm still pregnant. I have been trying to move on, but it’s like it’s getting worse and worse. On some days, if feels like I can't carry on. Last night, I had a dream, and I woke up crying. Since I'm having dreams about my baby, it’s very hard for me to go to sleep and to stay asleep. I feel horrible for what I did, and I don't know how many times I can ask for forgiveness. I can't even forgive myself. if I could, I’d bring my baby back.

And Friday I have to go to the clinic for a check up. I hate to have to go back, but my body still feels weird.

How does anyone forgive themselves and carry on, after something like this? If anyone reading this is a believer of the most high, please pray for me. That I find it in my heart to forgive myself and find my way out of this darkness that I am experiencing. I know that I will never forget my baby and will always think about it, but I need help to carry on.

Age: 22
Location: Virginia
Date: January 9, 2014

Previous Abortion Story >

Click here for all Abortion Stories

To share your own abortion story, click here for our online, submission form.

Get Help

If you’re pregnant and contemplating abortion, what a mercy that you’ve found this website! Abortion is not the answer—no matter what anyone is telling you.

Click here to find local help.

Click here for hundreds of real-life abortion stories.

Get Involved

Abortion persists because of ignorance, apathy and confusion. Abort73 is working to change that; you can help! Get started below:

Stop Global Gendercide

Social Media Graphics:

Post them online to introduce your friends, fans or followers to Abort73.com.

Regret Dies Hard

Abort73 Shirts:

Be a walking billboard for Abort73.com.

Regret Dies Hard

Abort73 Promo Cards:

Stash some in your wallet or purse and be ready to hand them out or strategically leave them behind.

There is Nothing Tolerant About Killing the Weak and the Helpless.

Downloadable Flyers:

Print. Copy. Distribute. Full and quarter-page sizes available. Post to student bulletin boards or use as handouts!

Support Abort73

Do you shop on Amazon? If so, use the link below and Abort73 gets 4-7% of your total spend!

{title}

Giving Assistant is another way raise money for Abort73 at thousands of online retailers. Use the link below to get started:

Online Fundraising
Use Giving Assistant to save money and support Loxafamosity Ministries Inc. (Abort73)