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Abortion Story: Canada

Submitted to Abort73 by a 21-year-old woman on January 5, 2014.

This is a story in progress. The "lost and confused" mother clearly doesn't want an abortion, but the decision has yet to be made...

Life has been difficult. My partner and I have been together for over three years, and we have a beautiful and healthy one-year-old-daughter together. When we found out we were pregnant, I was filled with excitement and joy. Abortion was never a discussion.
We made some of the most horrid ethical mistakes during that pregnancy; I thank God He was protecting our daughter when we were not. After our daughter was born, her father and I split up, and we both got the help we needed. Around the time she was six months, we decided to get back together. It wasn’t long after that that our lives came crashing down around us again—resulting in our daughter being apprehended by Children’s Aid (CAS).
I am working hard to become stable and have her returned fully into in our lives. She is with family now, and I see her often. Every time I look at my daughter, I feel like a failure. She is the most perfect, precious gift from God, and I am scared her father and I will taint her.
Recently, I found out I am pregnant once again. This time, I had a mixed feeling. I felt joy in that my daughter would get to experience a sibling and that God has given me another chance to do things right. At the same time, I am darkened with fear and a sense of hopelessness. I have been extremely depressed, and my emotions are unstable. My partner kept quiet for the first little bit and did not share any joy with me. He has now made it VERY clear he does not want another child and will not support me in keeping the child.
Being pregnant right now is the last thing we need, yet neither one of us took the precautions to prevent pregnancy. I am a strong believer that God does not give you anything you cannot handle. Realistically, part of me thinks the timing is not right, and I fear I will not be able to give this child all that it deserves.
What scares me more is that termination is becoming so difficult for me to grasp as I feel bonded with this child more and more every day. I don't know that I can live with myself knowing I killed my daughter's sibling. I have never regretted having my daughter; would I regret having another?  I am so lost and so confused. This decision seems impossible, especially without the love or support from my partner. Can I do this on my own? Raise two children on my own? This is the reality I may be facing if I choose to go forth with the pregnancy.
Another untold story—an unknown ending.

Age: 21
Location: Canada
Date: January 5, 2014

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